women's ministry — Devotions — Kristine Brown, Author

5 Things Your Pastor’s Wife Needs from You Right Now

She calls your name in prayer every night before attempting to sleep. She lifts your family up to God in the most difficult times of your life. She faithfully attends every church event. (She plans most of them, anyway.) You never see her without a smile on her face.

All the while her husband and family are prime targets of attack.

Beside every pastor is a woman willing to walk with him through the ups and downs that come with the profession. No other job relies so heavily on faith and offers so little worldly reward. Pastors are under scrutiny now more than ever. Because of this, the pastor’s wife carries a heavy load. So what can we do to ease her burden?

As the women of her congregation, we want to help. We may be tempted to send a quick text saying, “Let me know if you need anything.” But there is a better way to make sure we’re blessing our pastor’s wife and supporting her, as well as our pastor.

There are practical things we can do to assist our pastor’s wife today.

What can I do to help my pastor’s wife?

My husband and I served as interim pastors at various churches in times of transition. We also served as church planters.

We’ve seen the role of pastor and wife from both perspectives - as the church shepherds and as part of the congregation. We’ve understood the burden pastors feel for the well-being of their flock. So when we’re not serving in a pastoral role, we want to show our pastors and leaders in the church how much we appreciate the important work they do.

A Pastor’s Wife and Her Role in the Church

During my time as a pastor’s wife, many women blessed me with exactly what I needed to press on when all I wanted to do was give up. So many times I felt drained. Poured out until I had nothing left to give.

I wondered if my work mattered, and in the face of what seemed like constant opposition, I questioned my calling. Yet at just the right time, God sent someone to come alongside me and encourage me.

From those experiences, I learned how vital it is to stand beside our pastor’s wives, and how even the simplest act can be a huge encouragement to her. Here are 5 things your pastor’s wife needs from you right now. Prayerfully consider how you might follow these tips to help ease her burden today.

5 Ways to Bless Your Pastor’s Wife Today

“For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people and his incomparable great power for us who believe.” Ephesians 1:15-19 NIV

Pray for Her

Even though our intentions to pray for our pastor and his wife may be good, I am the first to admit falling short in my commitment to pray for them. Make no mistake, the pastor’s wife is an integral part of our church leadership, so we need to remember her in our daily prayers.

The pastor’s wife may remain silent most of the time, but consider the many people she ministers to each day. And she does it all with love.

We have no idea what the people in our church family may be going through, but she knows. The pastor’s wife intercedes in prayer for every single person in our church, including us. Let’s pray for wisdom and revelation on her behalf, as Paul says in verse 17. God will give her strength as we intercede for her in prayer.

(For helpful prayers, visit the free downloads page and see the resources available there. Enter your email here to gain access.)

2. Communicate Your Gratitude for All She Does

“I have not stopped giving thanks for you…”

Nothing says I appreciate you like a word of gratitude. Whether in person or in a hand-written note, a simple thank you will lift her spirit and offer an encouraging word when she needs it most.

I recall a time of discouragement in our ministry. All pastors face those times now and then. At just the right moment, I received a thank you card from a dear woman in our church. I will never forget her sincere gesture. We shouldn’t underestimate the power of a kind word.

3. Show Her Your Commitment to the Church

Your pastor’s wife may ask for a commitment from you to help or serve in a specific way. Can I share a secret with you? She usually hates to ask because she knows you are busy with your own work, family, and life. She wouldn’t ask without a lot of thought and prayerful consideration.

You can be honest with her (and yourself) about what you are able to do, but also be gentle. Consider her heart and her feelings while considering how you can help.

Pastor’s wives need us to serve. Let’s look for ways to help while remaining realistic with our commitments.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Take a Stand Against Criticism

Sometimes even those well-intentioned conversations can turn toxic.

We may mean well, but even a simple statement like, “I wish our church had this…” or, “If only our pastors would…” can lead to our sweet pastor’s wife feeling criticized.

When someone criticizes our pastor’s wife, it’s okay to speak out against the criticism. We don’t have to be harsh with our words to be firm in our commitment to support her ministry. We can simply and gracefully put an end to the conversation, then walk away.

5. Make Her a Simple Casserole, or Your Favorite Dish

This one’s my favorite, probably because cooking is not something I enjoy! I am thrilled when someone surprises me with a meal. Want to bless your pastor’s wife in a very tangible way right now? Cook a casserole and surprise her family with a yummy dinner.

You don’t have to be an amazing cook to bless the pastor’s family with a meal. A sweet friend from our church used to pick up a bucket of bar-b-que, a package of buns, and a bag of chips for us once in a while. What a treat that was! I didn’t have to cook, and I could enjoy time with my family. Food is a sure-fire way to show your love and concern for her.

We can rest assured that our pastor’s wife loves us more than we know. We shouldn’t feel overlooked or forgotten if she hasn’t talked to us in a while. We must remember how overwhelming her role can be.

Let’s commit today to lift her up, just as she does for us.

May these tips I’ve shared with you here inspire you to find other ways to support your pastor’s wife and her ministry within the church. Our efforts will make a difference in her life, her family, and our community.

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“I just don’t like being around people,” I heard her say. “I prefer to be alone.”

It took those words a moment to penetrate the walls of my heart. At first, I was shocked. Why would she admit to not liking people? Then I remembered I’d been in that same place. I realized how much she and I had in common.

I never considered myself a loner. Working as a teacher, serving in ministry, I’ve always been surrounded by people. But when I heard this sentiment shared from a friend, it opened up something in me that I’d buried deep down. A place born from hurt and betrayal. A place I wanted to forget. And shutting people out helped me do just that - forget.

When I walked through my daily routine at work, church, or even running errands, I put on a smile. I acted joyful. And honestly, I felt like a fake, because the feelings I held inside told an entirely different story.

I’d fallen into a pattern of hiding the truth of my heartache, and I’m not sure why. Maybe because I didn’t want to burden others with my real feelings. Maybe I wanted to make sure I was ‘exuding joy’ and not the opposite. Or maybe, I wanted to avoid conversations that would dredge up unwanted memories.

With this young lady’s words, God spoke a powerful truth into my life. One I desperately needed.

We need a community of warriors to help us fight the giants in our lives. (Tweet this.)

Remember the story of David and Goliath? Little David took down that big bad giant with 5 small stones. He became the hero. And he did it alone.

Or so I thought.

You see, the story didn’t end when David marched back to Saul victorious. There were more giants, and giants don’t give up easily.

Giants don't give up easily. Neither should we. (Tweet this.)

“And after this there arose war with the Philistines at Gezer. Then Sibbecai the Hushathite struck down Sippai, who was one of the descendants of the giants, and the Philistines were subdued. And there was again war with the Philistines, and Elhanan the son of Jair struck down Lahmi the brother of Goliath the Gittite, the shaft of whose spear was like a weaver's beam. And there was again war at Gath, where there was a man of great stature, who had six fingers on each hand and six toes on each foot, twenty-four in number, and he also was descended from the giants. And when he taunted Israel, Jonathan the son of Shimea, David's brother, struck him down. These were descended from the giants in Gath, and they fell by the hand of David and by the hand of his servants.” 1 Chronicles 20:4-8 ESV

In the passage above, we get a picture of David’s kingdom several years later, after he became king. War with the Philistines surfaced again, and these giants seemed just as intimidating as Goliath.

Scripture says one of them “taunted Israel.” Sound familiar? It should, because that’s what Goliath did that made David what to shut the giant’s mouth - permanently. And this time, David had help.

David surrounded himself with warriors willing to kill some giants on his behalf. That’s what we need to do, too.

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NLT

There will be times when we face hurt at the hands of others. Sometimes from those we considered friends, or even family.

There will be times we face situations where we can’t find a way out.

There will also be times when it seems like all hope is lost. When we want to hide away in a room somewhere in solitude.

That’s when we need to seek out the giant killers in our lives. Surround ourselves with warriors willing to go into battle when weariness takes hold.

God created us for community. He never intended for us to face our giants alone. But we need to get past the lie that tells us we shouldn’t let other people past the walls we’ve built.

We need each other.

Are you facing any giants in your life? Have you been tempted to avoid interaction with others and keep it all to yourself? Then let the story of David and his giant killers speak to your heart like it did mine. God has a group of warriors ready to fight for you!

Together let’s agree to seek out those people in our lives who will stand with us when we need help, when we need warriors to come alongside us. And in turn, we can be faithful warriors as well.